The only way to develop our ability to tolerance is going through the pain. No shortcuts for it.
"After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks", psychologist Martin Seligman found that three P’s can stunt recovery,” said Adam Grant in The Option B, the book he co-wrote with Sheryl Sandberg.
Meaning, if something bad happens to you, the usual response to it is in 3Ps,
Three P's are
Personalization - belief that you are at grave fault.
Permanence - belief that every corner of your life will change permanently.
Pervasiveness - belief that everything will get influenced by it. Every corner of your life will get affected.
That good friend you who didn’t want to spend time with you anymore. And then you started replaying everything that you did and what you should do in place of it to save the relationship. That’s personalization.
You think they love you lost in your life is forever and you can’t get another? That’s permanence.
You were failed to crack your first interview. You started thinking about how you will go to others, and would you able to get a job? You began to doubt yourself. You believe your whole life would get affected by it. That’s pervasiveness.
So to deal with it?
Separate facts from the reaction.
For example, if the fact is that you didn’t write for 2 days. Your response can be in two different ways.
First, “this always happens to me, and I couldn’t keep the habit. I won’t be able to continue this.”
Second, “I have messed up, but it is not about perfection. It’s about balance.”
Next time you encountered adversity. Write down your fact and your (probably a stupid one) reaction. It helps you to see the bigger picture and allows you to take appropriate action.
And even you will learn something unusual.
Thank you for reading. It means a lot to me.
Chetneet Chouhan
I have shared a story of me being thinking the world is crumbling down but in the end (spoiler) it was totally imaginary. I learned an important lesson on fear. (No Fear Rule.)
As you start to do work. Let me tell you one thing. You must give yourself permission. So that you can fail as many times as you want. (Give Yourself Permission To Suck.)